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　　标题：9SURPRISINGPROBLEMSTHATCOULDDESTROYYOURMARRIAGE
　　source：lukuluku
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　　Ifyourspousebetraysyou，itshakesyourworld。It’sdifficulttobelievesomeoneyoulovesomuchcoulddeeplyhurtyouafteryoutrustedhimorherwithyourheart。
　　It’sessentialtohavesupportwhendealingwiththefalloutthatcomeswithdisloyalty。Beforethat，though，youhavetorecognizethewarningsignsofbetrayal。
　　Tohelpyourecognizebadbehaviors，hereare9problemsthatcoulddestroyyourmarriage：
　　DIFFERENTSPENDINGHABITS
　　Ifyoufightaboutmoney，researchhasshownyouaremorelikelytodivorce，accordingtoTheNewYorkTimes。Whilemanycouplesoccasionallydisagreeaboutwhattosaveandwhattospend，thosewhofindthemselvesarguingaboutitseveraltimesaweekcouldbeintrouble。Thebestwaytoavoidargumentsistotalkaboutmoneywhenyou’rebothcalmandtorespecteachother’sopinions，LandonDowdywritesforCNBC。However，ifyoucannotcometogethertocreateabudget，makechangestoitandtrackit，it’sasignyouarenotonthesamepage。Thislackofcommunicationcandevastatearelationship。
　　AVOIDINGRESPONSIBILITIES
　　Gettingmarriedcanfeellikethegreateststeptowardlifelonghappiness。Whilebeinghappyisvital，itcomeswithresponsibilities。Ifyourspouseisnottakingonafairshareoflife’sworkinsideandoutsidethehome，youmayfeelresentfulanemotionthathasnopartinahappymarriage。PsychologistMarkDombeckpointsoutonMentalHelp。netthatfailuretoreachagreementwithregardtorolescanbeamajorsourceofconflict。Youandyourpartnershoulddiscusswhatyouexpectofyourselfandeachotherwhenitcomestojobsandhousework。Oneofyoucannotassumetheotherwillfollowapredefinedrole。
　　SAYINGNO
　　Youmarriedyourbestfriendbecauseyouloveeachotherandenjoyspendingtimetogether。Soifyourpartnerisconstantlysayingnotoyourinvitationstoworkout，goforahike，watchamovie，eatdinner，orwhateveryouwanttodotogether，it’saseriousproblem。Itmaybeyouneedtocommunicateabouthowmuchtimeyouwanttospendtogetherandhowmuchtimeyouwanttoyourself，butitcouldhintatunhappiness。
　　ARGUINGWITHOUTRESOLUTION
　　Whiledisagreementsareimportant，andevenabigargumentcanhelpairoutdifferences，JohnM。GottmanoftheGottmanInstitutetoldEliteDaily，fightsmustleadtoaresolution。Thepositivesofarelationshipshouldfaroutweighthenegativesso，ifyouandyourpartnerconstantlybickerwithoutfindingpeaceafterward，itisasignofanegativeundercurrentrunningthroughyourrelationship。Youshouldbeabletodisagreewitheachotherinawaythatallowsyoutocommunicateyourfeelingsandresolveproblems。
　　BOTTLINGHURTFEELINGS
　　Itmakessenseforcouplestolearnnottosweatthesmallstuff。However，ifyourpartnerdoessomethingthatbothersyouandyoujustcan’tgetoverityoushouldbeabletotalkaboutitbeforeyoubottleupthefeelingandexplodelater。PsychologistEmilieRossRaphaelsuggestsseveralwaystohavearespectfulconversation，includingavoidingblamingstatements，listeningrespectfullytoyourpartner’sgrievances，acceptingresponsibilityforyourroleinaconflictanddoingwhatyoucantomakeitbetter。
　　Youneedtoseekoutwhatwillmakethesituationbetterinthefuturesothissituationdoesn’tariseagain，RaphaeltoldPsychologyToday。Further，youneedtotelltheotherperson，‘thisiswhatIneedfromyounowtomakethingsbetter。’Youneedtotakeresponsibilityforwhatwillfixitnow。Isitmerelylistening？Isitanapology？Mostpeoplemissthispiece。
　　Ifthoseareimpossibleachievements，thereisadeepseatedissuethatcouldseverelydamageyourrelationship。
　　GIVINGTHESILENTTREATMENT
　　Timeandagain，researchhasshowncommunicationiskeyinhealthyrelationships。Whenonepartnerrefusestocommunicate，itintroducesapoisonintoyourmarriagethatslowlyeliminateshappinessandcompatibility。
　　Whileitisallrighttobeupset，givingthesilenttreatmentisnotthewaytoresolveconflict。Instead，askfortimealone，orcommunicaterespectfullyabouttheproblem。Thesilenttreatmentisnotonlyonepartnertryingtocontroltheconversationorlackthereofbutitcanalsocausedissatisfactionand，ultimately，contributetodivorce。
　　DISRESPECT
　　Ifyourpartnerputsyoudowninfrontofothers，looksdownonwhatyoudoatworkorhowyouspendyourfreetime，orgenerallydoesn’tcareaboutyourinterests，itshowsalackofrespect。Thatbelittlingbehaviorcandecimatearelationship。InPeterGraypointsoutinPsychologyTitcancrushtheotherperson，sometimesliterally。Torespectyourspouse，Grayexplains，istounderstandthattheotherpersonisnotyou，notanextensionofyou，notareflectionofyou，notyourtoy，notyourpet，notyourproduct。It’simportanttotaketimetovaluetheuniquetalentsanddifferencesyoueachbringtoyourmarriage。Asyouseektohelpeachothergrow，you’llfindincreasedhappinessyouwouldnothaveotherwiseknown。
　　CHEATING
　　Thismayseemlikeanobrainerwhendiscussingotherpeople’srelationships，butitseemsmorecomplicatedwhenit’syou。Cheatingdoesn’tonlymeanthatyourspousehasS3xwithanotherperson。Itcouldalsoincludeotherformsofemotionalbetrayal。Intimateconversationswithanotherpersonortalkingabouttopicsthataren’tbeingsharedbetweenspouseswillcausedamagetoanymarriage。
　　EMOTIONALABUSE
　　Physicalabuseisn’ttheonlytypeofabuseinrelationships。Emotionalabusecarrieswithitseriousproblemsinanyrelationship。
　　〔Emotionalabuse〕canbemoreharmfulthanphysicalabusebecauseitcanunderminewhatwethinkaboutourselves，emotionalhealthcoachMariaBogdanoswritesforPsychCentral。Itcancrippleallwearemeanttobeasweallowsomethinguntruetodefineus。
　　Ifapartnerputsyoudownortriestoregulatethepeopleyouseeortalkto，thiscontrollingbehaviorisabusive。Itisimportanttopickoutanywarningsignsinyourrelationship，andgetcounseling。